Back by popular demand

SO, I haven't blogged in so long that I forgot my password. what an ordeal.


What I've noticed from reading older blog posts is that I have a LOT of ideas....but not a lot of follow through. How does one rectify that? Am I the only one that suffers from this inability to finish anything I start? It seems there are people out there that finish things. There are buildings and bridges and ... open heart surgeries being finished up as we speak! how do they do it?.....perhaps the threat of death is good incentive. My friend Mandy said she was going to silence of the lambs me if I didn't keep producing work. Since I've never seen silence of the lambs I'm assuming it means quite, well behaved lambs are going to keep me company while I work.

That would be nice.

Maybe that's just what I need! a pet. Clearly that's what my life is lacking. If I had something to take care of it would give my life more purpose and focus....because then I'd have to keep my pet alive...so I'd have to make enough money to feed it. I had better not get anything too big to start out with. Just a gerbil or something.

or an ant farm.

...

I can't deal with this pressure. A pet's a terrible idea. Stupid Mandy.

um ..so this is funny

This post is going to be random funny and or awesome things.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kelUCEcdO8M
....
and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3bRPHPQsOs&feature=player_embedded

SWEET jesus. I should recruit these guys for my book. I thought I was gay ... and then I saw these. and my life changed forever. these guys make me look like a trucker named earl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSlIorJDqz0

This is the other thing that I wanted to post today...incredible. The attention to detail is unreal. I'm gonna admit I cried a little when the grey haired woman steps out onto the runway, it was so beautiful and unexpected! There is something about Guo Pei's work that makes me feel...like life can be surreal. The blue dress that I posted a picture of is actually my favorite, and it's all because of the way the model stands at the end on the runway. Look at the line she creates with her body....she's a masterpeice

I was doing research because my friend is having a asian inspired party and i told her i would make her a dress as a birthday gift. unless someone can lend me 300 Chinese children for the week I won't be able to make one of these for her though...

Back on Track

SOOOooooo it's been a while, how are you my blog following friends? good? excellent. I am also good. Contrary to my last blog that delineated all the drama of the past few months. If you're unaware, let me get you up to speed.

I am now the visual presentation peron at the Bay! yay. I dress all the manikins and its a crazy lot of work but its super fun and its pretty good hours (I'm starting to get used to getting up at 5:30) Although I find myself going to bed at 10 on weekends now because I'm so freakin tired by that time due to my work schedule. Anyways all is well. I think they really like me and it's very creative which I think will be good for my personal practice.

That's enough about boring Bay stuff. I've decided to write a little book! I know you're all thrilled. It is going to be 'things every gay man should know' or something to that effect. My buddy Preston got a book at chapters called 'Things every man should know' and it's really cute. it teaches you how to change a tire, tie a tie, hmm, i can't remember all the things, but it's cool. As we were flipping through it I just kept thinking how funny it would be to make one for a gay man, because it would be totally different.

Here are some of my ideas.

1) How to cabaret
2) advice on male skincare
3) Dressing appropriately flamboyant for every occasion
4) Tweesing your brows
5) Man-scaping (like landscaping but for homo hair)
6) Cruising
7) A short concise history of Bet, Barbara, Liza, and Judy- just to throw around at parties
8) Arranging flowers
9) The drag wig that will best suit your face shape

Thats all i can think of right now, I'm sure that there are many many more. I know its clique but it would be really funny. And I probably won't know about all the thinks on my list so I'll have to do research too. It'll help me be a more stereotypical character of a gay man, lol

What are some other ideas guys??? post your ideas!!!

A Clusterfuck of Life

As some of you may know, in the last two weeks I've had my brand new $400 bike stolen, lost my job at the hotel, and almost broke up with Geoffrey.

I believe my status was 'going down down down in a burning ring of kyle' which my clever friend Mry came up with as we drowned my sorrows in bottles of Kokanee.

The last few days have been somewhat better and I've taken action in a few regards. I went back to the hotel on Monday and demanded severance. After calling the Alberta Labor Board and clarifying a few things, I learned that they didn't have 'just cause' to let me go and therefore I was entitled to two weeks paid severance. The terms of my dismissal were nothing short of preposterous (If you're curious, we'll discuss it over coffee some time) so they really didn't have a leg to stand on when it came to severance- I suppose they just thought that I wouldn't look into it....they were wrong.
(Technically my friend Mandy called the labor board and figured it all out....I was a little upset... but anyways...)

Now on to bigger and better things. I have a position at the Bay as a visual presentation person if I want it. It seems like a pretty good job, I would be in charge of dressing all the manikins in the whole store, I wouldn't have to fold or hang clothes, or dress customers or anything. It would be pretty creative as well and I think I would like it.

In other news... Geoffrey and I are still together. It was touch and go there for a bit. But we're okay now I think.

Status update on bike: still stolen.

I have some apprehensions about working full time. That was the nice thing about being a bartender. I made enough money to work part time and then have lots of time to make art. It concerns me that I may no longer have the time/energy to do much of my own work anymore. Sigh. I'm not sure what to do. It seems like a good idea to get experience in my 'field' I put that in quotes because in some ways it's still not really my field ... but it's applicable I suppose. I know I sound like a big whiny baby, I just don't really want to compromise my artistic practice. Someone once said to me, never work harder for somebody else than you do for yourself....and that would be essentially what I'm doing. That being said, I could consider this experience working for myself in a way since I would get a lot of creative control over the way the store looks.

More other news- I'm designing pocket squares! The little bits of colored fabric that men put in there jacket pockets. I did four designs and have been hired by a new company just starting out. The designs are being manufactured and sold internationally! Pretty jazzy eh? Maybe I'll only work at the Bay until I'm a full time pocket square designer. .. . it seems very likely.

i better start wearing pocket squares...

A couple posts ago I talked about making me and Geoff unicorn costumes for Montreal based on the image I posted... Well, they're done! (They've been done for a while... and we've worn them and ..stuff. but anyways, here they are) Geoff made us hula hoops to match. We were the cutest unicorns...definitely the gayest.

Bedtime is for idea monsters.

Oh idea monsters. how you haunt me. As I fall asleep at night I think of all the beautiful things I will make when I wake up in the morning. Then I wake up... and do yoga, and eat, and bum around, and my idea monsters remain fictional. I went to school today to try and make art. I succeeded in failure. dammit. I'm home now, and I've brought what I'm working on home with me to try and keep going with it. I'm not going to tell you what it is just yet....because I don't know if it will work, but if it does it'll be awesome! (this isn't the unicorn costume, I haven't gotten the stupid fabric for those yet)

Who here has heard of Elie Saab? Damn I like his stuff. It's so flowy and pretty and interesting. I seem to have a hard time with flowy things. I really like structure and when I design it always seems to be very structured silhouettes. I need more flowy in my life. Yes flowy is a word. Don't judge me. I was thinking about using the word flouncy but that seemed too gay.

Anyways, if you're interested, check out more of his stuff, it's pretty epic.

Fear of retaliation

Okay, so it's officially been a REALLY long time since I've blogged. I kept thinking about it and then got scared and then wouldn't. What was I scared of? retaliation? That's silly. It's not like my blog is going to angrily retaliate like ..library books, or student loans, or house plants, when you neglect them. . (okay, house plants don't really angrily retaliate, they just die....which is sad for both of us...and the books themselves don't either....just their bitter lenders..) I'm not a big fan of structure since I tend to be quite negligent (you may have noticed) I probably should never work in a bank...or a hospital... with my 'it's good enough, I'll finish later' attitude.

At least I'm aware of these follies. Anyways, the purpose of this blog is to talk fashion, and talk fashion I shall. I just (almost) finished a wedding dress for my hairdresser. She's getting married in a refurbished barn near Canmore. The dress is entirely lace, with a low back and deep V in the front. It's quite lovely, and looks really good on her. Her mom and grandma came over to see it last week and cried with happiness. I was really nervous....as with most brides, mom's opinion means everything, luckily, Amy's mom loved the dress. Some minor changes and final fittings and I will have completed my first wedding dress! weeee. What next you ask, well if you must know I am making Geoff and I unicorn costumes for gay pride in Montreal. I've ordered baby pink and baby blue PVC vinyl online and am going to make them as soon as I get it. I'm going to be pink, geoff will be blue. I ordered the stupid fabric online and payed the astronomical shipping fees, only to the next day find the exact same fabric in the same colors at fabric land in the NE. I was so fucking mad. Anyways, I've enclosed a picture of the costume....

I realize I don't have this guys body... Although maybe if I carry my car to work and only eat celery for the next 3 weeks I might. But, if that doesn't happen, my current body will have to make due. What do you think bloggers? good idea? Any recommendations on how to make the hooves? I'm still trying to work that one out...

oxox

Kyle the Negligent.

been a while....

I got lost in my brain and haven't emerged in a couple weeks, sorry. This has been a confusing month. I finished my 40 day yoga challenge. Now I can float and buddha and I have tea on a higher plain of existence.

...well, not exactly I suppose. I can only float on weekends, and only during a full moon. This is what yoga teaches you-those of you who have never done it.

I jest of course. But it was enlightening. I feel........enlightened. Boy this isn't easily deciphered...I guess as I've said before, the journey is the goal. Finishing is rewarding, but it's not the goal. I really had serious up's and down's. I definitely crashed and burned one week in a big weepy mess,...but was pretty much okay after that happened. It forced me to look inward and reflect on what I really want for my life, my body, my well-being. I'm going to keep it up...not everyday, but several times a week. I like taking the time out of my day to connect. I think it will make me a better artist in the long run. Speaking of art....I made hats for jessica's wedding. They turned out really well I think. Very pretty. I now am working on a wedding dress for my hair dresser. It's pretty, off white lace....very flowy, I'll post pictures when it's done.

I'm also getting my head shots done tomorrow for that acting class I'm taking. I need to try and look....handsome. Tricky. I researched what to wear. Apparently solid bold colors work best, black for a more dramatic look ... *puts away sequence vest, and feather boa....* I was so wrong....

okay, now go make a wedding dress! but first get coffee and have a little nap and text dear friends and paint toe nails and have a sandwich and sweep the living room. Wait wait. make a wedding dress. why is this so hard?

Hello World Here Comes a Star! sorta

Okay first of all here's the link to the video of my collection.
http://www.youtube.com/user/albertafashionweek#p/u/1/ev6DKrO9veg
I'm also posting a picture that Daniel Tremblay took of one of my hats. It's pretty eh? I love these hats. I'm working on some for Jessica's bridesmaids right now, although they're different (smaller) but still lovely I think.

I also have some off the wall news.....I've decided to get back into acting! I know I know. Focus kyle focus. follow through with your endeavors - becoming a fashion designer- trust me Geoffrey and Katia, I know I know. I just want to shake things up a bit and do something different. I did a diploma in theater when I was in college before I switched to and majored in visual art, so it's not like picking something up from scratch. I just haven't done it in a while, I put it down so I could focus on getting my degree in visual art, but now that I'm done school I thought why not go back and do this other thing that I love and miss so much.

I responded to an add in the paper and all of a sudden I seem to have an agent and am getting head shots done. I'm taking a class on how to audition for film (as it is different than theater) and here we go! I feel like the people in my life think I'm ridiculous, but I suppose it's not there life- it's mine. Jen knows that I used to act and wasn't totally bad at it. She was very encouraging of this I must say. She's my only close friend at present that has seen and enjoyed me on stage. No one else has because I haven't really done it in 5 years.

My awesome dad was really supportive too and has helped my personally and financially (otherwise there was no way I could do it) So with Dad and Jen's support I'm taking the leap! It's not that big of deal, I'm sure I won't be doing it all the time, and like Tiff and Ashley said (they were really excited and supportive too btw) it's not like I'm going to throw my sewing machine away just because I audition for a couple of roles here and there. I'll still do fashion week, and still work towards....something.

I just love most art forms and want to do them all! oh! I have to go, I have to write an epic poem and hula hoop for an hour before work,

oxox

feel free to give me your encouragement bloggers, go knows I'll need it!

Yoga is kicking my ass

Dear god.

Okay, it's not that big of deal physically, yes I'm soar and it is challenging- emotionally it's much much more difficult then I anticipated. The other day a friend said some hurtful (that I may or may not have taken out of context- it is undecided) and it totally sent me into a downward spiral. I was on my mat in class working hard, as I always try to and just all of a sudden dropped my arm in defeat, fell into childs pose and cried. Yeah, awesome I know. What was actually said was very insignificant in the scheme of things, but it just felt like such a huge barrier and made me want to shout "what's the point!!" and leap off my mat in a fit of tears straight to a big plate of pancakes.

That being said, I'm starting to realize the emotional impact of doing an hour and a half of hot yoga everyday. It's a lot more difficult to be with yourself in meditation everyday then you'd expect. Being with the body is easy when compared to being with the mind.

I've concluded that anything that affects change is difficult. Every piece of art that I've toiled over, cryed over, screamed at, or turned my back to, have became the pieces that have shaped my practice and inspired others. Anything easy always falls flat. That being said, I'm about 20 days into yoga. I'm at that difficult half way point that makes me want to run. . It's now that I must stand firm and proceed.

I know a lot of people don't get what I'm talking about. How can yoga be so emotional? What's the big deal? Kyle's a big drama queen. Although that may be true.... this practice does have a very viable, and inexplicable ability to evoke something within yourself that you don't understand or know how to deal with. It really is beyond me to try and express the changes that are actually occurring- and much like that frustrating painting or dress- I don't actually know what the outcome will look like. I assume the outcome will be moving. It might not be pretty, but definitively moving

I see Geoff's eyes glaze over when I talk about yoga- I know he doesn't understand, and I can't fault him for not getting it when I really don't even get it myself. All I know is change is afoot, and I'm glad I have this blog to at least share it with you guys.

If you're eyes are glazed over from reading this, I apologize. When I'm a Yoga superhero that can heal wounds magically with my yoga touch and float from mat to mat you'll be happy you knew of the process.

Kent Monkman: The Triumph of Mischief

I went to the Glenbow with Travis and Jen the other day and viewed the Kent Monkman Exhibition. I really enjoyed it! It's really ... funny, actually. I was laughing out loud and people were looking at me...but I'm pretty sure my response was valid. He painted these epic landscapes and inserted himself in drag surrounded by half naked (or fully naked) cowboys and Satires with erections. It was awesome! I find it's helpful to go and look at art in my off time. It generates ideas about my own practice.

Speaking of my own practice....it's non-existent at the moment. I haven't made anything and haven't really wanted to. I really need to learn consistency. Fashion week was a real push through to the end and now I just feel like doing yoga and drinking coffee.

Do you ever have doubts that you're on the wrong path? I do sometimes. I know I'm good at what I do and I do enjoy it, but I think back to the time when I was in acting and how much I loved it- in high school and college. I was doing really well...and then I got into acad and haven't really acted since. I suppose this is the affliction of a creative person. I want to do everything. all of the time. Why can't I be an actor, a dancer, a yoga practitioner, a clothing designer and film stylist all at the same time?
I shall do nothing instead. That seems to be what I have been doing.

I need a business manager.

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

I totally am such a dork but I'm really excited about who I met last night. I'm trying really hard to be cool about it and not a stupid teenage girl, but I totally danced with this super hot guy named Reid and he plays Haley's boyfriend in the hit TV show Modern Families!!!! He came and asked me if I wanted to dance with him and while we were dancing I told him 'you look a lot like that guy from modern families' and he was like 'i am that guy from modern families' Turns out he's doing a movie here. He's 21 and from Florida originally. Sigh, he's soooooo hot. and we danced for a long time, and I got his phone number (I know I have a bf.... its just friendly. I swear. . . . well.....anyways) I love Modern Families I watch it every week, if you don't, you should, it's really funny. Reid's character and Haley's character are getting back together on the show so we'll be seeing more of him again. I'm not sure if I should have blogged this, I may have just outted him, but I figure since he was at the gay bar, he's not too concerned about being outted. I'm all twitter patted. It's a good thing I don't meet actors everyday, I'm totally in Lala land right now. You know what funny about that? I Totally never thought that meeting celebrities would affect me this way. I imagine myself working with the wordrobe department dressing Jennifer Aniston and Will Smith and being totally cool, and going for lattes with them after the shoot...... apparently it's a lot more exciting.....mind you I probably wouldn't dance at the gay bar with Jennifer or Will, ... so it probably would be less exciting.

That's all I have to say. Fashion is dead to me. I'm going to move away with Reid and become a famous Hollywood socialite. I'd better get my nose done.....

Ready set go!

40 days starts today! (well, technically it starts tomorrow.) I thought it was today but today was just the meeting. I think that I will be able to attend every class. My schedule works into the yoga schedule fairly easily. The challenge will be to find the strength to go every day I think

I took my first hoop path class last night with Baxter and I am in love. I haven't felt this inspired to move in a long time. I've been feeling really jaded with hooping and this has opened up a whole new way of approaching hoop dance. and movement. and life. It was wonderful. That being said, I think my spine may fall off today. Wholly fuck am I soar, and I still have to more workshops, AND have to do yoga those days.

I better be the hottest mo-fo when I'm done. Or I suppose the hottest homo. Anyways, I am also thinking about doing the Gaymazing Race! It's like the amazing race, but gayer. Its a fundraiser for Calgary Pride. So far my team consists of me, and Katia. I don't think Geoff would be that into it, so we're going to need to find two more gays to complete our team of 4.

As far as fashion is concerned (ie the purpose of this blog) I was hired to style a photo shoot yesterday and it seems to have turned out really well. Noah Fallis and I teamed up and I created a look that was supposed to be urban punk.... but that wasn't very me, so I thought why not take it Urban punk- gone glam! Crazy I know. Well, maybe not that crazy, But I just felt typical urban punk is dead and I wanted to see something new, so- there you have it. punk with pearls and gloves. Fancy. I have photos but I don't know if I can post them.. I'll ask and post them in the next blog if possible. I need to officially shoot my look book from this most recent collection. better get on that.... so much to do with no real deadlines is a dangerous game. . . You know whats more fun than working? watching project runway. And drinking latte's. And blogging.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tEw5zIdur4&feature=related look at this. INsane. 80 people 300-400 hours to finish and they cost the price of a modest british home

hmm death

Well maybe not death but close. I feel the need to cleanse and nourish my poor body..mind and soul, so I've signed up for the 40 day yoga challenge at the Bodhi Tree. I am a little .. . at odds with myself right now. I know that I have to forgive myself for getting a bit out of shape (sewing every day all day all month might may have contributed) and just take steps to feel like myself again, and yoga seemed like a holistic approach. I could use the grounding and sense of community. I believe in balance, self healing, and self love as a method for success. That being said I am committing to 40 consecutive days of yoga. Its hot yoga too. jesus. Anyways I know that anything worth having is worth working for- being a designer- having a healthy body- having a healthy relationship- learning a foreign laungage- (not that I've done that yet, but I will.. .)

This may quickly turn from fashion blog to yoga blog. You don't mind do you? I'm sure it will be amusing at times. Me and my friend Katia discussed the annoyance of don't fart classes. Classes where you spend the whole hour and a half in deep contemplative focus. Not about balance, not about world peace and love- no. The focus lies in attempting to not let out obnoxiously loud farts as you twist and contort your body mere inches away from bodies lying all around you.

A true test of endurance. You also learn the true meaning of forgiveness as people fart next to you. These must be the core lessons of yoga I would imagine.

okay, now on to important news, look at this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz93YmqBJXE&feature=related So SO SO awesome. Dear god, the workmanship. I love all the bead work and luxurious fabrics. It reminds my of soap operas....I don't know why, maybe its the music. I don't mean that in a bad way though. even though that's a terrible comparison. oh dear. anyways, I think what I mean is its sexy, its sophisticated, its a dream. Zuhair Murad paints a portrait of a woman who owns the stars. She wields her power with a light but forceful hand as she commands attention. People follow her not because of her power, but because your knees buckle at every expression. Every motion is as unique as the moment in time with which it is held.

Each piece as an aspect of this woman and each piece loves and excepts her- with all of her fault. With every fallen muted star that falls from her grasp she allows herself to grieve and move forward stronger than before.

It's a true artist that can explore and surface the many aspects of self- the complex diverse emotions of the psyche which are beautifully exemplified by the woman Murad has painted.

Metaphors and farts in the same blog. I've outdone myself.

Yippee Dippee

Neither yippee nor dippee are words, and yet here we are. I went to art school, not word school.

I'm doing a creative with Noah! well, actually I'm going for coffee with Noah to discuss a creative. . . It just occurred to me that I'm not sure if I have any ideas *makes a puzzled face* I usually come up with something. I love working with Noah, it's so much fun- we really bounce off each other well when we're together. I want to spend some time and create something epic. Some really elaborate something. I love Beyonce's blue jacket in the lady gaga telephone video. Its so awesome, its got sequence and chains and sparkles. Everything a girl could want! I'm going to appropriate idea and mash it together with inspiration from Alexander McQueens ship wreck dress. . . so exciting. Lots of texture and color. (I realize Mcqueens dress is white, but my version shall be blue) Anyways I think it'll be blue. I haven't decided. Then we'll photograph it... somewhere fancy. I dunno where, that's Noah's department. I've uploaded a photo of the last creative Noah and I did together, as well as McQueens Shipwreck dress (I saw it at the Met in New York and bawled. amazing) Oh! and here's the link to gaga's video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U at about 8:15 you can see the Jacket I'm talking about. So cool. I know what your thinking- wheat the hell do those to pieces have to do with each other? Just you wait my pretties. It shall be done!

Some runway pics, and random other stuff

I went to the show tonight as a spectator and had a lot of fun! Some times I feel like ... when did I become the cool kid? I feel like everyone knows me and it's neat. I was never super popular so it seems a bit surreal. I'm not complaining, nor am I bragging, I simply find it flattering and some what baffling when people make such a fuss over me. I'm not used to it- and I definitely still struggle with lots (you who read the blog may have noticed) and I am still definitely still a bartender ... oh so fancy. Its good. Still having a real job to pay my Real bills keeps my grounded....not that I wouldn't mind being a full time designer someday, I'm just not there yet.

These are some of the photos from the show. They're the first I've seen so I posted them for those of you that missed the it. I'm sure some more good ones will surface, and I'll probably post those too. I'll also post the creatives I do with my photographer friends... yay pictures! sorry they're lined up so wonky- I tried to put them side by side but they sorta went all turrets on me. I'm still figuring out this upload pictures thing. Oh computers...magical boxes that make stuff happen, how you puzzle me,, anyways...I'm getting better.

Katia and Mandy my bodacious girlfriends wore a couple of my looks to the show tonight-just as spectators. It was so fun! Me and Geoff dressed up too. We all felt so fancy! Katia is such a good sport- she wore my look right off the runway hat and all! She looked awesome, I can't wait to post those pics. I also lent a dress to Jessica Mclaren tonight- she's the official photographer and her and her husband are responsible for turning the beautiful historical building (the bank of Nova Scotia on Stevens ave) into an incredible restaurant and fashion week venue. She's going to buy the dress and wear it to her wedding reception. It's the last pic I posted, the full skirt white dress with the chandelier silk screen print. I'm so flattered- she's going to look incredible. I'm also going to make hats for her 6 bridesmaids...they're going to look so couture, I'm thrilled!!!!! More hats!! I love pretty girls in pretty hats. They make the world go round.

I could cry with joy

Well, I did cry with joy.

I cry lots though. My parents used to say I was sensitive. . to avoid saying the obvious... anyways. The show was a hit. I don't really know if it could have been any better. Every girl fit every dress no problem, nobody was stuffed into anything, everything looked amazing. The hats that I made this week out of screen from screen doors were awesome. They really completed a lot of the looks. (thank you art school!)

Its so overwhelming to go into the crowd after and have a flurry of people rush up to you. Its hard to focus on anyone or anything, it all happens so fast. I had so many wonderful friends there and everybody was so supportive. Thank you everyone that guided me through this journey. It's such an epic process that takes so many people to pull together. Every kind word, every comment on here, facebook, or in life, every pat on the back, creative support, technical support, it all contributes to my being able to pull something like this off. It might seem tedious or insignificant but it all matters to me-so thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

opps, crying again. I shall attempt to be less mushy. Without tooting my own horn too much, I definitely felt strong and proud last night. All of the late nights..not only sewing, but lost in thought trying to pull every little detail together, was worth it. That being said-I'm glad its over. I can clean my studio....

I had a couple of people want to sell my stuff in there stores... You might be seeing Kyle Nylund in a store near you very soon! until then feel free to come over and play dress up- I have a closet full of pretty dresses.

Tomorrow!!!!!!

Well, I broke down. I opened the cupboard and there it was, shinning like a beacon of comfort food- Kraft dinner. I don't even know how it got in the house to be honest.... the neighbor gave us food when she moved away...that must be it. I haven't made myself a pot of Kraft dinner in probably a year. . . but there it was. All my troubles. All my cares. Melted away as I watched the tablespoon of butter ooze into the delicious pot of cheesy pasta. I added a can of Cambells tomato soup the way my mom used to. So Good. It also explains why I was such a fat child.

I decided that I deserve it. I've worked so hard. . and the show is tomorrow. I might have to let out my jacket since I've basically applyed the pasta directly to my obliques, but I don't care. Is it just me or does Kraft dinner cook faster than regular pasta. I never noticed that before...they make it so easy...tricky Kraft.

I have some anxiety about tomorrow. I haven't tried anything on the models. I hope to god I picked girls that will fit my stuff. There was no fitting, it's taken this long just to solidify everything and confirm the models in the first place. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm full of Kraft dinner.

I made 3 hats and am going to make one more. They're so pretty, I'm really happy with them. I used window screen and wire to achieve the look I wanted. My hands feel like I've been playing in barb wire but it was worth it. I borrowed shoes from Townshoes and jewelry from Beadles beads and jewelry. I was lining up my stuff to look at it about an hour ago and realized I was missing two pieces. I panicked. I searched found them after about a half hour of looking but it was a half hour of terror. With photoshoots and running around picking stuff up, borrowing stuff, I was so scared I left them somewhere. Thankfully everything is present and ready for tomorrow.

They used my image for all the publications. I wasn't sure if you noticed- but its pretty exciting. They're posted all around the city. That was the big secret news that I posted a few blogs ago. I knew they were going to before I was allowed to tell anyone. I'm sorta famous. just sorta. just this week.

I should probably wear a big hat. or a spandex unitard. I have a couple....

soar. oh so soar

It has been brought to my attention that I am hideously out of shape. We did the film at the Banff center on the weekend and I think it's going to be awesome!! very Moulin Rouge meets... homo. I'm the homo. Anyways the main seen is one where the audience watches me perform an 'spectacular hula hoop act' on stage. Meanwhile there's other drama, yada yada, basically every take from every angle, every time an actor did something wrong or different, every time the director changed her mind- I got to hula hoop, again and again and again because I was the background performance shot.

I'm not complaining about the organization- this is the nature of film, and it always takes a while to get things right.... I was just so SO tired by the end of filming that day, and have decided that I am in fact very out of shape. and I'm very soar today. I think I lost 5 pounds in a hot costume under the stage lights hula hooping though.

We did have a lovely time. Geoff was there only for the first day of filming. We went out for a really nice dinner Friday night at the 3 Ravens lounge at the Banff center. I ate duck, hmmm delicious duck. Banff is so beautiful, we stayed at the Banff center too, which was so nice. I would love to do a residency there, or a work study or something.

I went looking for one of the props I lent on Sunday morning and found the unlocked costume room by accident....i had to go in. They were making these crazy wonder woman looking costumes with epic cone boobs. I had such a hayday looking at how everything was made, it was so neat! I would love LOVE love to work there. I got caught by the janitor though.... I was sneaking through and she kicked me out...

Today is Monday and I only have a few days to organize everything for the show. I feel tired of all this. It's kinda dragged out. First show, film, second show, collapse. This is the natural order of things

i want to make hats this week...big hats.


I am showing at the Banke Friday night so get your tickets everyone!!

I couldn't help myself.... here's a sneak peek of the photoshoot I did with Noah on Tuesday. Nothing is photoshpped or anything yet but I think they're going to be pretty good. This is also one of the pieces I'll be showing at fashion week.

Anywho, I'm driving to Banff tomorrow to do this film and I feel completely unprepared.... if you're in the film.... don't worry, I'll get it together. I just haven't had time to get everything organized. It'll be fine, I have today and tomorrow off so I can get everything ready. The film is really neat. It's an abstract dream sequence of the main character. Every character in the dream is an aspect of her psyche, and every character is based on a Tarot card. Geoffrey my partner is in the film, playing the Devil (quite fitting;) and I am Hula hooping in the film... I think I'm the world... I'm not sure actually....better figure that out. Anyways, I get to organize all the costumes and style the film! and I'm even getting paid a little! yay! I would have done it for free (shhh don't tell) I just like to make art

That brings me to my next point... I need to learn how to make money. I should hire a business partner who isn't an artist. I get really caught up in the creation and the process. I never really think about the 'who will buy this' aspect. I just like to make stuff.. and then if I sell it its exciting. Maybe I should focus some energy on the selling of my work. Last night I showed a gentleman at the bar a photo of one of my paintings that I had taken with my Iphone. He commissioned me on the spot to make him a painting! and he said I should make limited edition prints and sell them and .. oh I dunno, he said a lot of things...about making money.

I got confused and started thinking about the painting I would make for him... anyways. yay a painting. A commission is making money, look at how business savvy I am! I'm pretty much Donald Trump

I was being sarcastic obviously, ironically Donald and I have the same birthday. how about that?

I have a life again!

Hurray! I went on a lunch date with Jen on Monday, and a photoshoot with Noah and Jen yesterday, and today breakfast with Katia, and yoga and lunch with Preston! I've had to catch up.... I haven't seen anyone in weeks it feels like. I know I know....there's still stuff to do before fashion week..I have to fix that stupid zipper... and make hats. I made one for the photoshoot and it worked out pretty well, I'm excited to try and make more. I was going to make that coat for the show for myself to wear, but I'm not sure if there will be time

I'm styling a film this weekend at the Banff Center. I'm excited, I think it'll be really fun. Everything is pretty much decided upon, I've had some say in the process, but haven't had very much time to go look at costumes with the director Danielle French. I'm sure it'll all come together. I'm also hula hooping in the film!

I'm famous


Well, maybe not famous, but kinda. I'm working on it. This should be a lot of fun. Geoff and I are driving up on friday and I'll be coming back Sunday morning, Geoff is going to leave Saturday night. I'm also going to go see Ronnie Burkett on Sunday afternoon! He is a puppeteer, - - and is possibly a genius

I went to see one of his shows last year. He makes the sets, and the puppets himself and also is the puppeteer doing the show AND he writes the scripts. I thought it would probably be a good spectacle last time, not necessarily a good story line. Turns out it was one of the most profound pieces of Theater I've ever seen. SPECtacular. Moving, innovative, and it was beautiful. The puppets and set were incredible. If you ever get a chance to see him I highly recommend it. It was 1000 times better than anything I expected, and probably the best piece of theater I've ever seen.

It makes you feel like your crazy when you're crying over the well being of a puppet. Just throwing that out there. crazy.

It's been so nice to just go to work and spend my days (well, two) hanging out with friends. I know I have to start preparing for the grind again though... I have a film this weekend and the fashion week the following. I'll just ignore it....and eat pancakes.

Recap.

Okay, so yesterday was really fun, everything turned out really well. I was there from 12pm until 11:30 pm so it was a really really long day. The venue was beautiful-however-it was in Narnia (very very far in the NE, through a secret passage, guarded by a Spinx,) but I found it.

Everyone got a kick about the mop dress, and thought it was awesome. Most people didn't realize it was made out of mops, but when they did they were really impressed. Conceptually I thought Kenzie and my installation was the strongest. We built a really cool looking space for her to reside in during the show. We even borrowed a chandelier from an interior design store that got hung above her. I'll post pictures of that very soon. I'm not going to post any pictures of the garments until Alberta Fashion Week is over. I am showing my collection on March 26th btw. Its a Friday.

So, everyone looked great in the clothes. I think the models really liked the stuff. The audience seemed to respond well too. I got a lot of positive feed back. There are some tweaks that need to be made, but its no bid deal. There are two outfits that I was going to eliminate because I wasn't sure if they went, but everyone thought they went really well, so I'm going to leave them in. I think the show needs another full length dress.....which is lots of work, but I'm going to consider making one for Alberta Fashion week.

Just before the models went onstage I had a zipped bust in my full length lace gown. I had to sew the model in, and was seriously just tying the knot and the girl was like '3 seconds' and I JUST got it tied in the nick of time before she stepped on the runway. . . I'm hyperventilating as I recount this for you... jesus. But it didn't bust on stage so thank god. .

My house is a disaster from that final push over the last few days. It seems I've built a nest out of scraps in the living room. Maybe I should lay some eggs to make use of it. . . . or just clean it up.

sleep

I just wrote a long descriptive blog about the show, and then accidentally closed the window... and I'm too tired to write another one tonight.... a special thank you to Judith Dutton. She put together two dresses and a skirt for me and saved my life. Also thank you to Andrea Strand and Katia Asomaning for sewing petticoats. Lots and lots of work goes into those silly things that no one really sees them, but I appreciate it so much. Not to mention all three of you helped conceptually and with all your advice I think the collection was cohesive and strong.

I need to sleep. Love you all. Kyle out.

Tomorrow

Well, the first show is tomorrow and I'm really really excited. I'm not done, of course, but I'm close. We have to set up Kenzie's boudoir today. We're going to use my wing back chair, lots of pink fabric, glass wears, old books and a gorgeous chandelier that Peridot the interior design store kindly lent us. I think it's going to be epic. The mop dress is adorable and I'll post pictures of it after the show (I haven't posted anything in an attempt to be secretive, is it working?)

I know, everyone's anticipation is building so much you might all explode and I apologize. You'll just have to wait. I've come to the conclusion that a couple of my looks don't really go. Obviously I won't change it for the show tomorrow, but I can revamp for fashion week! this is like a big crazy trial run. I'm pretty excited about the pieces that don't exist yet..... why do I make more work for myself. I could have just ate bon bon's and relaxed for the next two weeks, but no, I have do continue to sew my face off. I'm crazy. I want to make myself a coat as well.... I love this red coat that I posted. I think I could make a version of it for myself and it would be very flattering. I had a long disscusion with my boss at current (who has a degree in pattern making) on how to do the vertical side pocket flaps. There is no seem where they're inserted so it's going to be tricky...I've never done anything like that before.

I'm going to finish two dresses today and hopefully make a couple of hats. That's my goal. I wish I was a power ranger. Go go power rangers! They could do anything. I had a crush on the pink ranger...but a secret crush on the green ranger. He was hot. Who says the pink ranger had to be a girl, and the blue a boy? stupid color/gender stereotyping.

I loved pink when I was a kid. I never got what I wanted. Now that I'm a big boy I get all the things I like- my pretty princess bed and lots of pink ties, and a doll house! (well, I don't actually have a doll house, but I could, if I wanted one). Ha Ha! take that parents. . . . how did they not know.....

3 days

3 days until the show. Jesus.

Today I made a body suit, a petticoat (actually Katia made it, she helped me for a couple hours) and about 1/3 a green dress which I think will be quite pretty. All of the finishing is pretty much done, except for the hem on the purple dress.

Everything is going pretty well. I'm close now. It'll probably still be a couple of very late nights but I'm so close. I bought groceries and cooked tonight! It was delightful. I made balsamic pear chicken with dried cherries. mmm. It was so nice not to eat either a can of soup or pizza. I hope this stuff goes over well, I'm getting nervous. I sometimes wonder if I'm any good at this or if everyone is just mistaken.

I wanted to make hats for this collection, in fact, the whole collection was kinda inspired by these mythical hats that don't exist because I haven't created them yet. I wanted to get some stuff called buckram that my friend told me about. Its bendy mesh basically that you can shape into what you want. Apparently you can't buy it in the city. I bought some online tonight. 5 meters with shipping was $77. sweet Jesus. The hats better make themselves for that price. I'm so crazy. Why do I do this again? I should become a traveling acrobat.

I bet it pays better.

Good day.

I had a good day today. Yesterday was good too, it just didn't feel like it at the time. I put Andrea in the purple dress to see how it looked and the zipper broke, there was a flaw in the teeth. It was a bitch to stitch rip the whole thing out and do it again but the silver lining is, at least it happened yesterday and not on the day of the show.

I hate zippers. I've mentioned this before I realize, but I would just like to reiterate how much I hate them. Its so difficult to do it perfectly. Even the best zipper I've ever put in still wasn't perfect. It's so frustrating. The next time you zip up your jacket take a special moment to appreciate the agile five year old hands of that Somalian child who put the zipper in perfectly.

As of today I have one whole dress to make from start to finish and a body suit and I'm done. I have tomorrow and Friday off work, and the show is Saturday so I think I can do it. I think I can I think I can. I hated that train...so repetitive.

I have no idea what this green dress is going to look like. I just know I have to use this specific fabric again...we'll see what I come up with tomorrow.

This is a random aside, but I just got tipped $10 on a $230 bill. I'm at the hotel bar I work in right now. What the hell is wrong with people?. What is that...5 percent? ish. People suck. All it would take is one week of that guy working in the industry to leave a 20 percent tip. I know I'm a better tipper now than I was before because I know how hard servers work. I was so attentive... even though I'm blogging.... i really was. Oh well, whatever.

what will i buy with my $10? maybe a new hat. or t-shirt that says 'I served these bastards all night and all I got was this lously t-shirt.

It's finally happened.

I'm overly sensitive which is a good indicator that I'm stressed out. I had a good cry today, everything is fine, I'm just working my regular jobs in conjunction with sewing full time and its starting to get to me. It will all be worth it in the end, I just miss having a life. Is it this hard on everyone? Are the other designers breaking down over nothing? I'm not really sure.

I had a lot of help today from my friend Andrea and I'll probably get a bit more this week with some of the finishing stuff from another friend. I'm not even that far behind, everything will get done on time .. . its just another week of focused effort and then I'll be finished and I can lead a slightly more balanced life again. Its amazing how much you appreciate certain things once you don't have time for them, like cooking, and going to the gym.

Figuring out what the hell you're making is the biggest challenge and really is emotionally draining. Trying to be true to yourself, innovative, and organized is very challenging. Making 10 looks that go together but are different and will tell a story on the catwalk in a cohesive manner can drive you mental. Designers that make 40 look collections are pretty much super hero's in my mind, but i suppose I am still pretty new at this.

Spring makes me really homesick. It makes me think of growing up on the farm, chasing the cows home in the rain, feeding the chickens, swimming in the dug out, picking berries with grandma. It was simpler in a way. Lots to do, that's for sure, just different. I wasn't quite as emotionally exposed as I am now. Being an artist and putting your work out there on the runway comes with consequences, good, and bad, and you have to be prepared to deal with the aftermath.

the chickens never judged.

Sometimes I just wish mom was alive. She honestly inspired a lot of my work. Many of the things I made in college were inspired by her strength, and they continue to be I suppose. Just in a different way now. I miss my mom telling me I'm the most talented and the most beautiful. I know she was a little biased, but it was still nice to hear.

If the chickens start telling me I'm talented and beautiful, I'll commit myself, I promise. I'll know I'm crazy because they never say anything nice. All they do is bitch and complain.

6 days.

So. There are six days until the show. Presently I have six dresses done (sort of, I'm including the ones Judith is making for me) 3 half outfits, and most of a mop dress.

The mop dress is coming along well! I dyed three of the mops pink. I braided one whole mop, then I made a corset out of canvas and layered the braided mops into the panels of the corset. At first I thought it kind of looked like a ... carpet. but its prettier now that its coming together. Its tricky appropriating things to make them into ..other things. I want the original integrity of the mop maintained, while still manipulating them enough to make it interesting. If you looked at just the corset, you wouldn't really know its make out of dyed braided mops. That's why its important for the skirt part to have some free falling mops of their original color-so that there is a visual link. She'll also be holding a mop so I'm pretty sure people will get it.

The rest of the collection is moving along in a positive direction. I can't believe I haven't posted in almost a week, that's crazy. Time sure flies when your working like a dog. I was on Breakfast television yesterday! well, not me, but the lovely model Bonnie wearing one of my dresses was. I totally thought I was going to be on TV. I had to be there at 6:15 am...I was pretty sure 6:15 was a myth until this point. Anything earlier than 8 is just cruel in my opinion. I'm kinda night owl though. I'd gladly stay up until 2 or 3 sewing and sleep until 10. Anyways, I tossed and turned all night worried I would sleep through my alarm or something. I woke up at five and felt like I never slept at all

When I got there I found out that I wasn't going to be on TV, just my model... I even did my hair. .. oh well. There was no need to toss all night. I'm not sure why I was so nervous, I've been on TV before. Anyways, Bonnie did great, and everyone seemed to love my dress *giggles with joy*

This is going to be a hard week. I had to stay in again... Geoff is at our friends having a lovely dinner of smoked salmon and grilled veggies and oh I can't remember what else. .. . probably a lobster and cakes. hmm cakes.

I had to miss out so I could stay home and sew. I had a bowl of soup, and a cucumber sandwich. We're out of groceries, but it doesn't really matter, who has time to cook? or eat for that matter.

Thin is in, so I'm told

good start...

Okay, I silk screen printer all day saturday and I think the dresses are going to be successful! I'm excited for this collection. My friend Judith is helping me sew (thank god!) So it'll make finishing it time a lot more....possible. I'm not sure it was before, it think it may be now.

This week will be spent hunched over the sewing machine like a gremlin. I haven't told you about my shows yet! Okay, the first one (the one that I'm struggling to finish for) is called 'In touch' and its a charity fund raiser for In From the Cold which is a charity that helps homeless families. There's a runway portion and an installation portion. The installation is a collaboration with an artist (I'm working with my friend Kenzie) and there are 5 artist/designer pairs creating installations through out the space. Kenzie and I are making an abstract boudoir. There will be flowers and fabric and antique bottles and other weird things. Kenzie and I don't even have to buy too much for it because we're both pack rats and have lots of things that will work. We're making her a gown out of mops. Yep that's right, mops! I'm not sure how just yet, but I think it'll be pretty cool. I've had this idea for a long time but haven't had a reason to make it. This seems perfect, I thought it would be kinda an interesting play on classism to make an aristocratic garment out of mops- kind of tongue in cheek. She's going to wear the mops dress and encourage people to leave there dirty secrets in her box (she's making a beautiful box to hold the secrets) At the end of the event we're going to auction off the box for charity. I hope people leave secrets....maybe I'll just fill the box with my own. I have a few....although I'm not very secretive. Anyways, I think it should be a good show. They've dropped ticket prices to $85 from $125. It's a lot of money, but its catered, and its for charity, so I hope people come.

Now on to more important things. Why didn't Celine Dion sing at the Olympics? I mean, I'm not the Biggest celine fan, I stopped liking her when I was 14 in the 90's like everyone else, but still, she is CELINE arguably the most famous Canadian singer. Neither her nor Shania Twain sang. Although Shania has been mostly retired for a while, Celine is still singing in her palace in vegas, so what the hell? no national pride. grr. I will say, the olympics really got to me. I'm not really a sporty person, and in truth wasnt overly excited about the whole thing, but after our country won 14 gold metals, the most in history for one country....that felt pretty friggin awesome. and what about that figure skater who's mom suddenly died,- and then she went on to win the bronze, after having to skate less than 72 hours after her mothers death?!
amazing.

I also suddenly lost my mother last year, I can't imagine IMAGINE what that girl went through to do what she did. The heart. I was debilitated when my mom died. I still randomly burst out crying and its been a year and a half. To win an Olympic metal....makes me so proud of her...of us. We can do anything! yeah! I'm such a geek. forgive me.

Productive!

It's funny, the days I work at my job and then come home and sew seem much more productive than the days I have off. Why is that? Maybe it's because I expect less so it seems like more. I should try to expect less of myself when I have the whole day, I might be more pleased with the results. Anyways,.

Friggin purple dress is basically done. Just working on sewing toole together for underneath to help make it big and poofy. I like poofy, I've noticed. If I were a girl, I think I would wear poofy things.

Yesterday I worked all afternoon putting the zipper in the dress. Seriously, it took me like 3 hours. I tediously hand sewed the lining to the dress and everything. I had cut the top of the zipper off because it was too long (Zippers have stops at the top and bottom when you buy them so the zip part doesn't come off the teeth) I proclaimed 'finished!!!' after working on it forever and zipped the zipper closed to admire my work. It zipped right off the top and off the teeth because I cut the stop off.

I screamed into a pillow.

I think the people that live below me still heard me- I heard them mumbling. I was furious, the hairs on the back on my neck were on end. I thought I might explode. I definitely cried. I've done it before in the past and wasn't able to fix it-it meant me taking out the zipper all together, buying a new one, and putting it in. The thought of doing that with this dress made me .. well it made me momentarily go crazy.

But then I thought about it for a second. Seamstresses can fix zippers without replacing the whole thing, why can't I? there must be a way. I googled and found out that I could open the zip with pliers and put it back on the tracks. I did have to open a couple seems but it was no big deal compared to taking the whole thing out.
all is well. I felt silly for being so upset.

I think that this is as good of point as any to mention that I've never been taught how to sew. How to draft patterns. How to put in ZIPPERS, this is all just stuff that I've figured out through trial and error. I do have a BFA in textiles, but strangely enough we never learned how to sew. That's a common misconception about the program at acad.
I learned how to treat fabric in the same way a painter learns how to treat paint. Conceptually I could write an essay on linen and the signifires that pertain to it. I could tell you how its made, what people see in it from years of various uses, that it's stronger when it's wet (Which is why sails on sail boats are linen) I can dye it, silk screen print on it, devore it, make it into a linen sculpture with chicken wire and leather boots and call it 'the drunken sailor feels her wrath' or some other nonsensical title, and get an A in a textile class. I can do all of these things with linen except sew it into a wearable garment, that I can't do. Or at least I couldn't with my formal education. I can now...but who wants a linen skirt? the point is moot.

okay, calm

Yesterday was productive. sorta. I made half a purple dress. Today I shall make the rest of it....and three more dresses. It's good to set realistic goals. In addition to making 3 and a half dresses I shall also build a bridge, and learn a foreign language. Realistic goals realistic goals

I was thinking about getting the word 'focus' tattooed on the inside of my wrist. Seriously, with pretty writing. . . maybe it'll help me ...well, focus.

I went to yoga today. I know what you're all thinking, 'what?! you're so busy and you still went to yoga?" and I know it seems foolish, but I'm much more productive when I do yoga. If I don't my spine gets all curled at my sewing machine for days and I look like a colossal raptor. It's not pretty. Being 6'2' isn't all its cracked up to be. Its a slippery slope towards a hunchback and pants that are way to short if I'm not careful. We tall people have such a hard time finding pants, but I digress, back to sewing.

You know what sucks? when you cut yourself with your rotary cutter and think 'ouchy' and then do nothing and keep working....moments later your puzzled by the fact that all your fabric is covered in red and you turn your hand over to discover that the tiniest nic is gushing all over everything and in your haste to stop the bleeding from ruining your fabric you cut yourself again. I experienced this yesterday.

luckily it was purple taffeta. Not white silk. I'll just rub it in. Blood dries kinda purple right?

cheers

Purple Dress

Purple dress oh purple dress, how you are so very purple. ALL who wear you shall resemble grapes, and in turn fashion makes. Oh purple dress oh purple dress I have now run out of purple fabric...

I went to Chintz and company to buy more of this crazy purple fabric. It's so pretty, it kinda has a blueish shine. Anyways, anyways, I went there and they were all out. But I thought, hey no big deal, just order some from another store. (I know the system there because I worked there one summer...albeit briefly. I hated working there. Smile, cut fabric, smile, do nothing, slit your wrists.) Anyways when we looked in the extensive catalog of swatches to find the damn stuff it didn't even seem to exist. We searched and searched and found something similar (for $30 a meter as opposed to $15) but its still not the same, and freakin expensive. Anyways, I'm not sure if i have enough fabric to make this purple dress. I'm going to try and do it with what I've got. I may be doomed. Maybe the dress could be completely backless! like no back at all...like a paper dress you lie flat on paper dolls. I'll do that with the model. 'Hold still while I attach this lovely dress front. What to you mean you're not wearing panties? we're screwed."

Remember paper dolls. SO fun. not that I played with dolls..*shifty eyes* only action figures. which ones you ask? uh..um..captain...interior design man... and Stiletto lantern. Yes, they're real, just unpopular.

Okay, today I'm going to make the entire purple dress, as of this week I have to make three looks. that's looks, not pieces, a week. I'm so screwed. No wait! I can do it, positive positive positive. What would Captain Interior Design Man do?! PREVAIL!

We're back

Panic panic panic panic panic calm. panic panic panic. nap. panic snack. panic.

That moment of calm was in yoga. A serious lapse in judgment. Panic is the was to go. I've just discovered that I clench my teeth at night, and need a $1000 mouth retainer thing to wear at night to make sure that I don't grind my teeth away. Maybe I'll get a gold jaw implant like that cool guy in the lady gaga bad romance video. Has anyone watched the lady gaga lord gaga spoof? SO funny, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWxTGJ3TK1U here's the link. Oh, right, i was saying. Panic. I got off track.

The show is 3 weeks away. 3 . 3 weeks. panic. K wait, I can do this, I just need to focus. I have a magazine interview tomorrow for a new fashion magazine here in Calgary. I also found out some very exciting news....about my work.....and where it's gong to be featured....but I'm sworn to secrecy so I can't tell anyone yet....it's so hard to keep secrets... .k, I must, it's a big one.

SO anyways Geoff and I had a lovely weekend. . . there were a few hiccups though. We went to a spa in Invermere and got three treatments each, a massage, facial and pedicure. Over the phone the receptionist and I talked for a long time, I told her our budgets and we worked it all out- or so I thought. I told her that I didn't want to spend more than $200 dollars each, and she said no problem, the three treatments come to $190 each. I thought perfect! less than i thought it would be, but that's awesome, and we can afford that. We got there, had a lovely afternoon together, had all three treatments, and when we went to pay it was $600. I told her that I was quoted $190 each and that if we knew it was going to be $300 dollars each we would have only got two treatments-keeping it within our budget. She called the owner, and the owner pretty much said 'sucks to be them' and that was it, there was no compromise or anything. I would have settled with her agreeing to split the difference, but she wouldn't offer anything. Its not like we can give back a massage, so we really had no choice. The girls that work there get paid on contract so if we didn't pay-they wouldn't get paid, and we didn't want that so Geoff just paid it because we didn't want to argue anymore. It just sucked because the treatments were worth it, all the staff was awesome, and wanted to do something for us, but the bitch of an owner wouldn't do anything for us by way of customer service. In my opinion, it was her error, she should pay her employees for the third treatment, her was her front desk staff error, not mine. grrrrr. anyways, the manager assured me (I went back when I was less mad, and without Geoff) and talked to her and told her that if they didn't at least give us $100 worth of product or SOMETHING to make up some of their error, I would never be back. She's going to do her best to get the owner to budge, so we'll see what happens. If I get skin cream in the mail, I'll keep you posted, otherwise, they shall feel my wrath.

If you were told your haircut was going to cost $50 and you got it, and it was the best haircut of your life, and you get to the counter to pay and the stylist was like $300 please...you'd be pissed right? Am I wrong here? I mean, yes, the service was great, I have no complaints . . its just I wouldn't have gotten all of it... It's a good thing my boyfriend has lots of money. He didn't seem too upset about it, I know it's not going to break us...but it's the principal. I'm clearly still mad. You shouldn't leave a spa mad. It negates going to a spa.

Geoff and I still had a good time, lots and lots of way too delicious food, and drinks, and desserts, and .. man I need to get to the gym. dear god.

I want to go outside and play

Not stay inside sewing. Why is it so hard to do something that you love so much? because it's still work, I suppose. I have the day off! I was sure I had to work today. Apparently not. I got to work on that top I vowed to finish yesterday...i didn't finish it, I talked on facebook instead. tricky facebook. So, it's almost done now, I need to go to fabric land and got a few things. I wish I had assistants to do my errands, and clean my house.
I spent the morning cleaning, it was very necessary. There is thread everywhere in here. Every time I get up to go to the bathroom there are three spools of thread following me. As soon as I turn around I'm hopelessly tangled - the thread has won again- but no more! I shall persevere, clean my space and save valuable time NOT angrily wading through fabric and patterns and dishes and thread.

Sigh. I wonder how much a maid costs? Not too much surly. I shall name her Gladys, and she can also make me pancakes when I request. Maybe you're not allowed to name your maids...i suppose they are different then pets...they already come with names... oh well, you can't have everything. Geoff and I are leaving for Invermere tomorrow morning. I'm excited. I hope it goes okay, sometimes I get antsy when I try to relax...trapped out in the mountains...no fabric store, no starbucks, no 12 friends to have coffee with. Just my boyfriend. sigh. I'm just kidding, I'm sure we'll have fun. Y'know how when you see someone a lot you run out of things to talk about? That's more my concern. I hope he has a good time. Believe it or not this is our first get away (just the two of us) in the 4 years we've been together! I know, it is silly. We're just both really really busy. Right now Geoff is working at an oil and gas company doing accounting....or something, i dunno. He's also a personal assistant to a psychologist, and he's a full time student. Between us things like couple time and cleaning kinda take a back seat. This weekend we will recharge, it'll be lovely.

I want to make hats for my collection, but I don't really know how... I think I'm just gonna have to wing it (thats what I usually do) I need something like a thin mesh (like screen door mesh) thats kinda bendy and holds it shape... does anyone know of anything like that? maybe I'll go to home depot and see what I can find. Anyways, ta

It's a new day

Okay, so officially this is the last day to sew this week, I work all day tomorrow and Friday Geoff and I leave for Invermere where I shall go to the hot springs and spa and get tones of pampering. Its not the best timing, but its all booked so whatever, I just need to be resolved with going, not stress about the collection and really time manage when i get back. I had a good talk about the creative process with my friend Jen yesterday and how you're more successful when there are 15 ideas in your head and you sort of act on all of them at once and there overlaps become the successful pieces you create. It's so true. Having one idea and moving from point A to B from the single idea- to manifestation- is never very successful, i find anyways. Without the wealth of ideas (and the struggle to work through them on your path) Things tend to fall flat. It's good to struggle. .. . i think it means you're on to something... i hope. Anyways, i bought more fabric yesterday and it has inspired me to continue. I find so much inspiration in just fabric itself. Fabric can tell you what to do. I find I can have no ideas at all, none what so ever, then I'll find a specific fabric that is just screaming at me "I need to become a fabulous one shoulder gown with sequence and feathers and platform stilettos!!!! right now bitch." and then i have an idea... the fabric told me what to do.

Sometimes the fabric asks me to make it into something that I have no idea how to put together constructional wise. Thats the challenge I suppose. How the fuck do i make this thing in my head into a beautifully tailored lined garment with a zipper so that you can get it on. I hate closures, incidentally. Fuck. Zippers. I'm getting betting at putting them in but it sure took a while. I should just make ponchos. many ponchos. I shall sell them with complimentary salsa, they will be a huge success. Everyone likes to say salsa. Salsa!

You may have guessed that I am procrastinating. I am very versed in procrastination techniques. I find the most amazing excuses as to why I should go shopping, have endless coffee dates with friends, lie around the house blogging.....but isn't blogging important?! I need to inspire others. Reassure them that they're not the only ones going through creative ups and downs. That we can persevere together!!

see I told you I was good at procrastinating. Doesn't that all sound very valid? imperative almost. Okay, to work!!! I shall sew a blouse before work. I have two hours. GO!

still fustrated

Well, I stayed up until 3 last night again. I worked all day yesterday, but produced very little. I did lots of draping. That seemed to help a bit I came up with some new ideas to help tie some elements together. Normally what I do is drap and then take photos so that I can reference them later. I do draw, but I get more inspired by the materials and how they will hang on the body, then by my own 2D drawings.

Does anyone read these? On day when I'm famous, everybody will want to read them I'm sure. I took several breaks to watch Mad Men last night, which I realize isn't sewing, but hey, its a good show. I've started on my 4th piece. 4 of 10. 4 weeks. I can do it. I just have to focus, and stay calm. Yes, calm. calm calm calm. Panic! no wait, calm.

In my experience, pieces I've really really loved, I've hated at some point in the process. and that's very true. Things that came very easily were often less successful in the end. Resolved, but not amazing- contrived at best. This is my chance to create something really really incredible. and I know this because I'm so worried about everything and pretty much hate it all right now.

Sleep on it.

Okay, so today is a new day and I have no interest in finishing the carousel horse dress, at least not right now. I've decided that it will make it into the collection, I just have to figure out what context to put it in. I'm pretty sure that with the right styling, and other garments that are similar- but sexier, it will be okay.

I sent a long email to my friend who's in Toronto right now telling her of my woes. She's not exactly an artist, but she does have a great eye, and is excellent at bouncing ideas off of. It's good to have someone in your life that you can do that with, in any profession. I think it's imperative in the arts. You can get really tunnel visioned sometimes, its hard to tell if what you're doing has gone way off track. Anyways, i have the day off so I'm going to work really hard on something else and see if I can create something new....and fantastic. Wish me luck!

The first of many entries, presumable.

Let me first start be saying, I love spell check. Did our generation ever learn how to spell anything?. Maybe we did, and I just wasn't listening. I was probably doodling a dress with poofy sleeves on the side of my English homework.

I did that once, in grade five. I drew a pretty girl in a dress with poofy sleeves like Cinderellas. A boy named Devin made fun of me forever, said it looked like she had great big tits (which it did, but that was never my intention) To counter act that drawing, I decided it would be more masculine to draw a scull and cross bones like on a pirates hat. The girl who sat in front of me, Sarah, pointed out that the bones were supposed to be under the scull, and that skulls weren't shaped like potatoes. I failed at being a boy before I even began, but, i digress, this blog is supposed to be about fashion

I am a fashion designer/bartender/sales clerk at a mediocre woman's clothing store. I have a degree in textiles from a fairly reputable school, and a lot of passion for art. It started at a very early age. I always loved clothes. I loved woman in clothes. Not like that you perverts, I loved how beautiful they looked, so inspiring like moving art. My mom, like every good gay boy, I suppose, was my hero. She was really really pretty. She was also disabled. She had an accident before I was born that left her in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. The only thing she ever felt like she had to fall back on was her beauty, and me- not necessarily in that order....although sometimes... anyways.

I find myself in a bit of limbo at present. I have received relative local success, not that I'm making much money, but people seem to know who I am at least. I am currently designing a collection for two shows in March (which is terrifyingly close) The first is a charity event for in from the cold...I'm not getting paid anything, but I'm not paying to be a part of it either, - and it is for charity. The other is Alberta fashion week, whom have sponsored me, I assume because they liked my last collection (the first one I've ever done) so much.

Its not coming along very well. I've made one beautiful lapse in judgment that has already sold. I say that because it is not at all like anything I've ever made before, and although lovely, I have found it very difficult to conceptualize a collection based on this piece alone. I've just discovered the joy of painting on fabric with fabric paint, and happen to be quite an excellent painter (if i do say so myself) So I thought that drawing on garments would be lovely. I made a pink silk dress based on a 50's Vouge pattern. I left off the dated sleeves (after foolishly making them of course)and removed an unsightly center seem from the front bodice. I shortened it to just above the knee and it was still pretty plain, so i thought why not paint on it? I've had this ides of painting carousel horses for a while now, and so I painted them in an elaborate formation with roses and other pretty filler alone the bottom of the dress. I was unsure at first, but the more i painted the prettier it got! So I kept going and going until it occurred to me that I had made a beautiful work of art! -that is for a five year old girl.

What the fuck was i thinking? pink satin, puffy skirt, and carousel horses? that is the definition of the perfect little girl dress. I have one month less two days to make an entire collection. At present I have one beautiful dress that has nothing to do with me as a designer. a purple skirt, that I like. and a lovely pink monstrosity that will cost a zillion dollars if someone actually wanted to buy it because it has a 10 hour painting of horses on it. practical. To make matters worse, I fully planned on painting on most of my collection, so I kept my designs simple. Now I have to rethink everything. Should I just go with it and see what happens...give the model some sexy shoes and hope that they negate what she's actually wearing? God I have no idea. Wish me luck.