Yoga is kicking my ass

Dear god.

Okay, it's not that big of deal physically, yes I'm soar and it is challenging- emotionally it's much much more difficult then I anticipated. The other day a friend said some hurtful (that I may or may not have taken out of context- it is undecided) and it totally sent me into a downward spiral. I was on my mat in class working hard, as I always try to and just all of a sudden dropped my arm in defeat, fell into childs pose and cried. Yeah, awesome I know. What was actually said was very insignificant in the scheme of things, but it just felt like such a huge barrier and made me want to shout "what's the point!!" and leap off my mat in a fit of tears straight to a big plate of pancakes.

That being said, I'm starting to realize the emotional impact of doing an hour and a half of hot yoga everyday. It's a lot more difficult to be with yourself in meditation everyday then you'd expect. Being with the body is easy when compared to being with the mind.

I've concluded that anything that affects change is difficult. Every piece of art that I've toiled over, cryed over, screamed at, or turned my back to, have became the pieces that have shaped my practice and inspired others. Anything easy always falls flat. That being said, I'm about 20 days into yoga. I'm at that difficult half way point that makes me want to run. . It's now that I must stand firm and proceed.

I know a lot of people don't get what I'm talking about. How can yoga be so emotional? What's the big deal? Kyle's a big drama queen. Although that may be true.... this practice does have a very viable, and inexplicable ability to evoke something within yourself that you don't understand or know how to deal with. It really is beyond me to try and express the changes that are actually occurring- and much like that frustrating painting or dress- I don't actually know what the outcome will look like. I assume the outcome will be moving. It might not be pretty, but definitively moving

I see Geoff's eyes glaze over when I talk about yoga- I know he doesn't understand, and I can't fault him for not getting it when I really don't even get it myself. All I know is change is afoot, and I'm glad I have this blog to at least share it with you guys.

If you're eyes are glazed over from reading this, I apologize. When I'm a Yoga superhero that can heal wounds magically with my yoga touch and float from mat to mat you'll be happy you knew of the process.

Kent Monkman: The Triumph of Mischief

I went to the Glenbow with Travis and Jen the other day and viewed the Kent Monkman Exhibition. I really enjoyed it! It's really ... funny, actually. I was laughing out loud and people were looking at me...but I'm pretty sure my response was valid. He painted these epic landscapes and inserted himself in drag surrounded by half naked (or fully naked) cowboys and Satires with erections. It was awesome! I find it's helpful to go and look at art in my off time. It generates ideas about my own practice.

Speaking of my own practice....it's non-existent at the moment. I haven't made anything and haven't really wanted to. I really need to learn consistency. Fashion week was a real push through to the end and now I just feel like doing yoga and drinking coffee.

Do you ever have doubts that you're on the wrong path? I do sometimes. I know I'm good at what I do and I do enjoy it, but I think back to the time when I was in acting and how much I loved it- in high school and college. I was doing really well...and then I got into acad and haven't really acted since. I suppose this is the affliction of a creative person. I want to do everything. all of the time. Why can't I be an actor, a dancer, a yoga practitioner, a clothing designer and film stylist all at the same time?
I shall do nothing instead. That seems to be what I have been doing.

I need a business manager.

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

I totally am such a dork but I'm really excited about who I met last night. I'm trying really hard to be cool about it and not a stupid teenage girl, but I totally danced with this super hot guy named Reid and he plays Haley's boyfriend in the hit TV show Modern Families!!!! He came and asked me if I wanted to dance with him and while we were dancing I told him 'you look a lot like that guy from modern families' and he was like 'i am that guy from modern families' Turns out he's doing a movie here. He's 21 and from Florida originally. Sigh, he's soooooo hot. and we danced for a long time, and I got his phone number (I know I have a bf.... its just friendly. I swear. . . . well.....anyways) I love Modern Families I watch it every week, if you don't, you should, it's really funny. Reid's character and Haley's character are getting back together on the show so we'll be seeing more of him again. I'm not sure if I should have blogged this, I may have just outted him, but I figure since he was at the gay bar, he's not too concerned about being outted. I'm all twitter patted. It's a good thing I don't meet actors everyday, I'm totally in Lala land right now. You know what funny about that? I Totally never thought that meeting celebrities would affect me this way. I imagine myself working with the wordrobe department dressing Jennifer Aniston and Will Smith and being totally cool, and going for lattes with them after the shoot...... apparently it's a lot more exciting.....mind you I probably wouldn't dance at the gay bar with Jennifer or Will, ... so it probably would be less exciting.

That's all I have to say. Fashion is dead to me. I'm going to move away with Reid and become a famous Hollywood socialite. I'd better get my nose done.....

Ready set go!

40 days starts today! (well, technically it starts tomorrow.) I thought it was today but today was just the meeting. I think that I will be able to attend every class. My schedule works into the yoga schedule fairly easily. The challenge will be to find the strength to go every day I think

I took my first hoop path class last night with Baxter and I am in love. I haven't felt this inspired to move in a long time. I've been feeling really jaded with hooping and this has opened up a whole new way of approaching hoop dance. and movement. and life. It was wonderful. That being said, I think my spine may fall off today. Wholly fuck am I soar, and I still have to more workshops, AND have to do yoga those days.

I better be the hottest mo-fo when I'm done. Or I suppose the hottest homo. Anyways, I am also thinking about doing the Gaymazing Race! It's like the amazing race, but gayer. Its a fundraiser for Calgary Pride. So far my team consists of me, and Katia. I don't think Geoff would be that into it, so we're going to need to find two more gays to complete our team of 4.

As far as fashion is concerned (ie the purpose of this blog) I was hired to style a photo shoot yesterday and it seems to have turned out really well. Noah Fallis and I teamed up and I created a look that was supposed to be urban punk.... but that wasn't very me, so I thought why not take it Urban punk- gone glam! Crazy I know. Well, maybe not that crazy, But I just felt typical urban punk is dead and I wanted to see something new, so- there you have it. punk with pearls and gloves. Fancy. I have photos but I don't know if I can post them.. I'll ask and post them in the next blog if possible. I need to officially shoot my look book from this most recent collection. better get on that.... so much to do with no real deadlines is a dangerous game. . . You know whats more fun than working? watching project runway. And drinking latte's. And blogging.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tEw5zIdur4&feature=related look at this. INsane. 80 people 300-400 hours to finish and they cost the price of a modest british home

hmm death

Well maybe not death but close. I feel the need to cleanse and nourish my poor body..mind and soul, so I've signed up for the 40 day yoga challenge at the Bodhi Tree. I am a little .. . at odds with myself right now. I know that I have to forgive myself for getting a bit out of shape (sewing every day all day all month might may have contributed) and just take steps to feel like myself again, and yoga seemed like a holistic approach. I could use the grounding and sense of community. I believe in balance, self healing, and self love as a method for success. That being said I am committing to 40 consecutive days of yoga. Its hot yoga too. jesus. Anyways I know that anything worth having is worth working for- being a designer- having a healthy body- having a healthy relationship- learning a foreign laungage- (not that I've done that yet, but I will.. .)

This may quickly turn from fashion blog to yoga blog. You don't mind do you? I'm sure it will be amusing at times. Me and my friend Katia discussed the annoyance of don't fart classes. Classes where you spend the whole hour and a half in deep contemplative focus. Not about balance, not about world peace and love- no. The focus lies in attempting to not let out obnoxiously loud farts as you twist and contort your body mere inches away from bodies lying all around you.

A true test of endurance. You also learn the true meaning of forgiveness as people fart next to you. These must be the core lessons of yoga I would imagine.

okay, now on to important news, look at this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz93YmqBJXE&feature=related So SO SO awesome. Dear god, the workmanship. I love all the bead work and luxurious fabrics. It reminds my of soap operas....I don't know why, maybe its the music. I don't mean that in a bad way though. even though that's a terrible comparison. oh dear. anyways, I think what I mean is its sexy, its sophisticated, its a dream. Zuhair Murad paints a portrait of a woman who owns the stars. She wields her power with a light but forceful hand as she commands attention. People follow her not because of her power, but because your knees buckle at every expression. Every motion is as unique as the moment in time with which it is held.

Each piece as an aspect of this woman and each piece loves and excepts her- with all of her fault. With every fallen muted star that falls from her grasp she allows herself to grieve and move forward stronger than before.

It's a true artist that can explore and surface the many aspects of self- the complex diverse emotions of the psyche which are beautifully exemplified by the woman Murad has painted.

Metaphors and farts in the same blog. I've outdone myself.

Yippee Dippee

Neither yippee nor dippee are words, and yet here we are. I went to art school, not word school.

I'm doing a creative with Noah! well, actually I'm going for coffee with Noah to discuss a creative. . . It just occurred to me that I'm not sure if I have any ideas *makes a puzzled face* I usually come up with something. I love working with Noah, it's so much fun- we really bounce off each other well when we're together. I want to spend some time and create something epic. Some really elaborate something. I love Beyonce's blue jacket in the lady gaga telephone video. Its so awesome, its got sequence and chains and sparkles. Everything a girl could want! I'm going to appropriate idea and mash it together with inspiration from Alexander McQueens ship wreck dress. . . so exciting. Lots of texture and color. (I realize Mcqueens dress is white, but my version shall be blue) Anyways I think it'll be blue. I haven't decided. Then we'll photograph it... somewhere fancy. I dunno where, that's Noah's department. I've uploaded a photo of the last creative Noah and I did together, as well as McQueens Shipwreck dress (I saw it at the Met in New York and bawled. amazing) Oh! and here's the link to gaga's video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U at about 8:15 you can see the Jacket I'm talking about. So cool. I know what your thinking- wheat the hell do those to pieces have to do with each other? Just you wait my pretties. It shall be done!