It's finally happened.

I'm overly sensitive which is a good indicator that I'm stressed out. I had a good cry today, everything is fine, I'm just working my regular jobs in conjunction with sewing full time and its starting to get to me. It will all be worth it in the end, I just miss having a life. Is it this hard on everyone? Are the other designers breaking down over nothing? I'm not really sure.

I had a lot of help today from my friend Andrea and I'll probably get a bit more this week with some of the finishing stuff from another friend. I'm not even that far behind, everything will get done on time .. . its just another week of focused effort and then I'll be finished and I can lead a slightly more balanced life again. Its amazing how much you appreciate certain things once you don't have time for them, like cooking, and going to the gym.

Figuring out what the hell you're making is the biggest challenge and really is emotionally draining. Trying to be true to yourself, innovative, and organized is very challenging. Making 10 looks that go together but are different and will tell a story on the catwalk in a cohesive manner can drive you mental. Designers that make 40 look collections are pretty much super hero's in my mind, but i suppose I am still pretty new at this.

Spring makes me really homesick. It makes me think of growing up on the farm, chasing the cows home in the rain, feeding the chickens, swimming in the dug out, picking berries with grandma. It was simpler in a way. Lots to do, that's for sure, just different. I wasn't quite as emotionally exposed as I am now. Being an artist and putting your work out there on the runway comes with consequences, good, and bad, and you have to be prepared to deal with the aftermath.

the chickens never judged.

Sometimes I just wish mom was alive. She honestly inspired a lot of my work. Many of the things I made in college were inspired by her strength, and they continue to be I suppose. Just in a different way now. I miss my mom telling me I'm the most talented and the most beautiful. I know she was a little biased, but it was still nice to hear.

If the chickens start telling me I'm talented and beautiful, I'll commit myself, I promise. I'll know I'm crazy because they never say anything nice. All they do is bitch and complain.